jan 2023: when everything gets too much
hey,
i hope the new year is treating you well. i’m feeling good about the year ahead, but i did find myself feeling quite burnt-out at the end of 2022. it was a new feeling for me, and it’s something i’ve been giving a lot of attention to, trying to understand it and grow from it. it’s created a new focus in my life: balance. a slow process, but one that has been full of healing. part of this process has inspired me to commit to writing these letters monthly this year - as a way of documenting my experiences, and keeping you in the loop! i typically use songwriting to explore and express what i’m feeling, but maybe a different form of writing can be equally effective? songs take time to craft, but a letter can be more free-flowing, candid, and instant. a real-time reflection of where i’m at. so, here begins the monthly commitment for 2023. i’m already late for january, but hey, it’s a start lol.
for context on where things left off in 2022, here’s a video i made recapping my year:
the end of last year was pretty back-to-back. i released ‘june’ at the end of august, flew to melbourne to shoot the video for ‘fuck it up’, finished making the EP (which will be yours sooooo soon) headed to LA in october, then came back to get a band together, rehearse and play shows in november and december. after the final show was over, i crashed. hard. i caught some sort of virus, and paired with coming down off the busy few months, my body totally shut down. i was the most tired i’d ever felt. i was bedridden for 2 weeks, and ironically, i realised it was the first time i’d properly rested in years.
i began to see that the way i had been living was unsustainable, always on 110%, obsessing over whatever my main focus was at any given time. i felt like i’d been doing the same thing over and over, but hadn’t defined where i was going. like i’d lost sight of key pillars to life - what’s important to me and why? am i staying true to that with everything i do? i wanted to change that for the new year. create more balance across all areas of my life. and i’ve realised that means focussing on what i can control, rather than worrying about outcomes and perceptions. i starting putting energy towards knowing myself better, but not in an insular, introspective way, more in a wholistic ‘how do i feel about my life and how am i choosing to live in each moment?’ way. the more energy i’ve given this, the more i’ve started to find all areas of my life feeding into one another. it’s crazy how much progress can be made from taking a step back. a huge tool in this process has been this book my friend adam gave me when we were writing a song together at his house in LA. i’d heard about the book before, and noticed in on his shelf, and he generously insisted i take his copy. it was the artist’s way by julia cameron. it’s been life changing.
it opened me up to what it means to truly be an artist. that there’s a distinction between being someone who makes art, and being an artist. being a creative goes beyond just making things, it’s a way of seeing the world, a way of life. the book gives tools and guidance on the path to living this way. concepts like “morning pages” where each morning you write 3 pages as a stream-of-consciousness. i’d tried journalling before, but always struggled to stick with it, preferring to just write songs instead. but this daily routine of writing every morning has been so healing. i feel so much clearer and intentional with my thoughts and my life in general. i also feel it’s helped to enrich my songwriting, because by the time i get to constructing lyrics, i’ve already processed my thoughts and emotions through long-form writing, so i can be more specific and inquisitive with what i’m trying to say. another thing is “artist dates”, the idea of treating your “artist” self as you would a partner or a child, someone you deeply care about. often we can torture ourselves and criticise everything we make, say or do. but it’s so much more rewarding to nurture, encourage and support our “artist”. to take ourselves out on “dates”, where we can find inspiration and recharge. this probably all sounds super preachy or boring, but i genuinely think these principles apply to everyone. we hear about “self-care” and “self-love” all the time, but that shit is actually so important. i think that’s what i’d been missing.
so, i took life slowly over january. i listened to sgt. pepper’s lonely hearts club band front-to-back for the first time, many times.. (2017 remixes - highly recommend!!!). i began walking daily, taking in my surroundings, trying to practise presence and patience, and absorbing everything the artist’s way had to offer.
in mid-jan i headed down south with my friend jerome to write some songs at a new studio my friend hein has just built (if you live on the south coast of NSW, you should check it out. it’s called studio 5). jerome has been feeling a lot of the same things i have recently, so it was a therapeutic few days away for both of us. we wrote some songs that i love, and also just got to soak up the summer sun by the ocean. jerome and i have been friends for a couple years, but despite us both being songwriters and playing music together, we’d never really written anything together. the songs we made felt like the start of something special… the vision for my next project is getting clearer and clearer. i don’t know what final form it will take, but right now it’s feeling like it could be an album. i haven’t made an album before, only EPs. so it feels like an exciting challenge to embark on. we’ll see where it leads.
there’s this weird magic that comes with making songs. when you’re first writing there might be a feeling you’re trying to capture, or a story you’re trying to tell, but i often find that the true meaning of a song reveals itself way down the line. i have this song dark side which i’m putting out in a couple weeks (you can pre-save it if you like), and it’s only now starting to make total sense to me, even though i started working on it over 2 years ago. at the time of writing, my friend franco and i we were just exploring this idea of unconditional love, even when someone is afraid of opening up to you, even if you get hurt in the process. no matter what, you want to show up for them and truly get to know them. it’s sounds almost sadistic, but it’s kinda beautiful. i’ve felt this kind of love before, but in the context of the song, it just felt like a fictional story we were making up. however now, with everything i’ve been experiencing recently, i’ve realised dark side is an ode to embracing the unknown. the bad with the good. it’s easy to turn away when someone shows a side of themselves that isn’t so pretty. maybe there are even parts of ourselves that we deny through shame and fear. it’s a song about the kind of love that is to show up for someone, for something, or for yourself, even in the darkest of times. i feel like i connect with this song even more now than when i wrote it. i’m excited to share it with you.
dark side will be yours february 23rd. until then, take care.
much love,
- chris